I don't get it.

-Great Ocean Road, Australia-

why must everything be so complicated.

why cant there be downright pure love.

no cheating. no lust for any other.

no yearning for another's touch.

no craving for another's kiss.

& why cant break up just happen mutually.

why must it always end up messy.

why must people linger onto their past.

why cant people make up their minds?

its always easier said than done.

i wish i can make my mind up.

Love?

Love.

A four letter word that brings happiness and sadness 

in someone's life all at the same time, 

like it did to me.

Sometimes i think i'm in love only to know that it was all purely lust. 

confusion arises when it comes to differentiating love and infatuation. 

I fall in too fast and too deeply. 
That being said, 
i can get out of it even faster. 
Its scary how one small action that turns me off can be what it takes for me to totally kick you to the curb. Its a pretty bad thing i know. 
But good news is
 I can take practically anything if i love you.

Simplicity in love has never happened to me. 
"iloveyou youloveme so we get together" kinda thing has never happened. 
It often involves lies, deceptions and secrets. 


I'm sick of it. 
I just want everything to be simple. 


Is that too much to ask ?

Ugh too much.

Things pretty much got way outta hand. 

It wasnt meant to happen if everyone kept their traps shut.

 but no, 

some unnecessary things which are 

not meant to be publicized came out anyway.

Dont get me wrong,

 im not pointing fingers nor im claiming that im a step ahead others at being perfect. im just saying that when somebody trusts you and tell you things, the least you could do is show them some respect and keep it to yourself. 

There's a reason why you were chosen to be the one they share shits with. things were said in confidence. never try to fix things which are outta your league coz you'll end up making it worse.

When the confession was made, i made it crystal clear that friends are all we could and will ever be. the choice was yours. to stay or to leave. and by staying, you knew deep down in your heart what to expect. how things would go. me on the other hand, chose to ignore it all when we met, to be oblivious to anything that points to that particular fact hoping that it would help you maybe a little to stray from your emotions. i was wrong and im sorry for making so many mistakes but im growing up and handling this sorta situation is new to me and i never for a second enjoyed it.

Its beyond disappointment what im feeling right now.

 i never thought in a million years that this is how it would end.

 too much. 

this is just too fuckin much.

I suppose to like it or hate it?

wtf who the heck came up with this idiotic idea

combining the both extremes which i hate and like 

into this creature.

mahai.

I remember years ago 

Someone told me I should take 

Caution when it comes to love 

I did, I did 

And you were strong and I was not 

My illusion, my mistake 

I was careless, I forgot 

I did 

And now when all is done 

There is nothing to say 

You have gone and so effortlessly 

You have won 

You can go ahead tell them 

Tell them all I know now 

Shout it from the roof tops 

Write it on the sky line 

All we had is gone now 

Tell them I was happy 

And my heart is broken 

All my scars are open 

Tell them what I hoped would be 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

Falling out of love is hard 

Falling for betrayal is worst 

Broken trust and broken hearts 

I know, I know 

Thinking all you need is there 

Building faith on love and words 

Empty promises will wear 

I know, I know 

And now when all is gone 

There is nothing to say 

And if you're done with embarrassing me 

On your own you can go ahead tell them 

Tell them all I know now 

Shout it from the roof tops 

Write it on the sky line 

All we had is gone now 

Tell them I was happy 

And my heart is broken 

All my scars are open 

Tell them what I hoped would be 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible! 

Ooh impossible  

I remember years ago 

Someone told me I should take 

Caution when it comes to love 

I did 

Tell them all I know now 

Shout it from the roof tops 

Write it on the sky line 

All we had is gone now 

Tell them I was happy 

And my heart is broken 

All my scars are open 

Tell them what I hoped would be 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

Impossible, impossible 

I remember years ago 

Someone told me I should take 

Caution when it comes to love 

I did..

hey God, can I trust you?

I am going to be honest here,

 I mostly trust myself, and as full of myself,

 I think most of us are like this. 

Granted there are some of you out there that are very trusting of others, 

but for rest of us are naturally self-reliant?

 I don't know. 

But I do wonder why this is? 

You might be thinking that the reason you trust yourself is because others have let you down or maybe because we live in a corrupted screwed ass society. I don't really know what is it but for some reason,

 we just don't trust others easily.

Sometimes in fact, God, the One who is perfectly trustworthy, 

is the one we have the hardest time trusting.

 Are you like me and often make decisions on your own without even consulting Him? Well, I know I do. It is easy for me to give people lip service and tell them that I am praying about my future of a decision, but often many times, I do not do it. Often times I revert to the trust I have for myself and for what I think is the best decision. When faced with a situation, I think about it and make the decision, but I never first ask God if it’s what He wants me to do. 

* Btw, I'm not being god-ish or what, I am NOT a christian.

As I write this I realize how cheesy this sounds. 

I realize that it sounds too easy. 

Like I am giving the typical religious answer here. (which I just fake it out)

 But I wonder, why does it sound cheesy to trust in God? 

And I realize at this moment I don’t often do this. I don’t ever really ask God what to do. I like to think I do, but I don’t. Maybe because what God wants me to do is hard, or maybe it is because it is something that I don’t want to do.

I don't know.

But what I do know is that I have a hard time trusting people.

Michelle the Big Bimbo.

e left one is Misu Ngo

Sorry for calling you that way but i just can't help ... bahahahha!!!

Not to mention about the unlocking-the-wrong-car incident, something happened way more interesting today in uni.

As usual, after lunch we're on our way going to the elevator, we passed by student lounge and along the darts game area, not to mention who was playing at that time, 

but something caught mine and mich's attentions.

She turned back twice and it was the second time when she turned back, realized that i was thinking what she's been thinking. heh!

Great mind thinks alike maybe?

So we started to talk about height issue after we saw this TALL butnotsogoodlooking guy while approaching to the elevator. And again Mich turned back the 3rd time to take the last glance at him before leaving and pressing the elevator button at the same time.

 What happened is, she pressed -

 THE WALL,

 instead of the button.

Twice.

Tall guys are just so attractive iknowrightiantan! :)

Yummy boy.

I'm not a bigfan of kpop honestly.

But what makes everything irresistible

 is this awesome human being -

taeyang.

'you're my chocolate, my sweetest chocolate.'

'you're my ice-cream, my sweetest ice-cream.'

yes yes yes, it's melting ! LOL .

please don't smile, dance and strip at the same time,

cause it's melting me.

his guns are just so - 

sexy.

What makes a guy goes beyond perfect despite of ALL his unbearable sexy physical appearance?

2nd melting point-

Talent.

I feel - DUMB.

This is ridiculous.

Not talking bout this video but MYSELF.

I really can't help but 

I just have no idea why is this happening?

I've just learned about Viscosity last semester and now,

 I don't have a fucking clue about this.

I need an answer, 

desperately.

And I hope it's better to be something I haven't learnt before, to make me feel a lil better? fml.

Why reversing it will go back to normal? 

Is it something to do with emulsion?

Nah, maybe not .

 Its just that Emulsion Lecture from last semester suddenly came across my head.

Fml.hard.

Oh please Smokers !

I'm so glad that my ian boy DOES NOT smoke .

and I reckon... smokers will NOT give a flying fuck even after watching or knowing the cruel fact that how harmful can smoking bring to them. 

400 different kinds of toxis gases, 81 kinds of carcinogenic gases etc etc etc they will just gonna say one word to you out of their sincerity , 

.......... Shut the fuck up.

sigh.