Being a lady is an attitude.

i really need someone to make me over-the-top happy.

someone who only looks at me.

someone who only sees me.

someone who only adores me.

someone who's loyal.

someone who's appreciative.

someone who's gentle.

someone who will never scold me no matter what i do wrong.

someone who'll never lay hands on me.

someone who doesnt act differently infront of their friends.

someone that wont neglect me for their friends.

someone who doesnt put up a front.

someone who's genuine.

someone who doesnt linger onto their ex's.

i wanna feel like i'm somebody's princess 24/7.

i wanna be the first priority.

i wanna feel important.

i wanna be good enough.

i wanna be more than a girlfriend.

coz i'll treat you as though youre more than a girlfriend/boyfriend.

take me on a getaway to genting.

a night there together walkin while sippin on hot chocolate.

If .

If you don't go after what you want, 

you'll never have it. 

If you don't ask,

 the answer is always no.

 If you don't step forward, 

you're always in the same place.

I hope I will.

okay so here's the deal . 

everyone thinks im having the effing time of my life.

 centre of attention, getting it from both sides.

 but do they ever stop and think of how it really feels inside.

being in the middle hurts the most. 

its like youre stuck, youre sick of hurting people. but you wanna be happy. 

you fear karma will take its toll on you but at the same time you've no idea whatsoever on what to do.

 whats right? whats wrong? 

is there even an answer. i still wonder. 

i heard that time heals. and time will tell.

 i wish its true. 

im tired of being the victim of hurt. im giving myself as much time needed. 

for once, im doing something for me instead of others. 

i hope i'll wake up one day with an answer. 

waitforme if you want to.

National day Family day.

I am happy 

not because of the fact that its national day but..

since its the reason that gives us holiday, why not?

I am happy 

cause its public holiday,

the fucking whole clan of my family can able to meet up together

without missing out anyone

and we spent the whole day eating and cracking jokes together.

I am happy 

I had a great time pilliow-talking with my cousies

like we used to be in..2years ago?

It was so fun and you have no idea how crazy was that.

I was happy 

drinking wine with cousies 

despite the fact that my mom said that my lips look black.

halo, cause the red wine stains on my lips?

 and isn't it supposed to be in purple instead of BLACK? oh momma.

I am not a witch or whatsoever dracula creature 

you gave me pinky awesome lips momma.

I am happy 

with the awesome bakuteh.

I am happy with the clothes and stuffs babi ian got from Bardot for me.

like.. all the way from Abbottsford?

 okay its not like i know how far the place is.

but he claimed that its really FAR

anyhow..ilikethem... yay! :D

Cousies were suggesting a cousie-trip in the end of this year.

I wonder if its gonna work out. 

So we shall hit Matta fair next week !

I am not happy because of the racist thing happened in merdeka eve. 

cb ppl. get a life !

I don't get it.

-Great Ocean Road, Australia-

why must everything be so complicated.

why cant there be downright pure love.

no cheating. no lust for any other.

no yearning for another's touch.

no craving for another's kiss.

& why cant break up just happen mutually.

why must it always end up messy.

why must people linger onto their past.

why cant people make up their minds?

its always easier said than done.

i wish i can make my mind up.

Love?

Love.

A four letter word that brings happiness and sadness 

in someone's life all at the same time, 

like it did to me.

Sometimes i think i'm in love only to know that it was all purely lust. 

confusion arises when it comes to differentiating love and infatuation. 

I fall in too fast and too deeply. 
That being said, 
i can get out of it even faster. 
Its scary how one small action that turns me off can be what it takes for me to totally kick you to the curb. Its a pretty bad thing i know. 
But good news is
 I can take practically anything if i love you.

Simplicity in love has never happened to me. 
"iloveyou youloveme so we get together" kinda thing has never happened. 
It often involves lies, deceptions and secrets. 


I'm sick of it. 
I just want everything to be simple. 


Is that too much to ask ?

Ugh too much.

Things pretty much got way outta hand. 

It wasnt meant to happen if everyone kept their traps shut.

 but no, 

some unnecessary things which are 

not meant to be publicized came out anyway.

Dont get me wrong,

 im not pointing fingers nor im claiming that im a step ahead others at being perfect. im just saying that when somebody trusts you and tell you things, the least you could do is show them some respect and keep it to yourself. 

There's a reason why you were chosen to be the one they share shits with. things were said in confidence. never try to fix things which are outta your league coz you'll end up making it worse.

When the confession was made, i made it crystal clear that friends are all we could and will ever be. the choice was yours. to stay or to leave. and by staying, you knew deep down in your heart what to expect. how things would go. me on the other hand, chose to ignore it all when we met, to be oblivious to anything that points to that particular fact hoping that it would help you maybe a little to stray from your emotions. i was wrong and im sorry for making so many mistakes but im growing up and handling this sorta situation is new to me and i never for a second enjoyed it.

Its beyond disappointment what im feeling right now.

 i never thought in a million years that this is how it would end.

 too much. 

this is just too fuckin much.